


Assorted Disgruntled Mumblings of a Fanfiction Reader/Writer

by MostlySane



Category: Avengers, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Merlin (TV), Supernatural, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Essay, Meta, Mild Language, Multi, Open letter to fandom, Shit Gets Meta, or as I like to say in my own counterproductive way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2013-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 10:07:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MostlySane/pseuds/MostlySane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is NOT a story, this is just me addressing some fanfiction issues that I have noticed. I've put my usual fandoms on it so that, hopefully, the people who write fics in those fandoms will have a chance to see this.</p><p>This is also not beta'd, so expect (hopefully) slight typos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tagging

**Author's Note:**

> First off, please, take this half as the wish list of an ardent fanfiction reader and half as the mutterings of a frustrated fanfiction reader/writer. This is by no means the decalogue, anything you want is what goes in fanfiction land; it's kinda the only rule here. This is simply some things we can do to help our other fanfiction readers and writers out. 
> 
> This work will be in short chapters for easier navigation.

Tags.

Tags are awesome amazing things, and what's most fun about them, in my opinion, is their endless ability to be customized. Unfortunately, that is also what makes them most frustrating, and even a tad counterproductive to it's original purpose. As fun as they are, tags are actually to help people find what they want to find, and not find what they don't. So, towards that purpose, here are some quick suggestions.  
\----

Crossovers vs. Alternate Universes

Now, this is a tricky one, but also one that frustrates me to no end. It's also pretty subjective, but I'm going to try my best. 

If one is simply transporting the characters of, shall we say, Glee, into the world of Harry Potter, it can go two ways. One, they have actually been transported to the Wizarding World, and are either secret denizens of it or wondering what the fuck is going on. I'd tag that as Crossover. Two, they were born wizards, have lived as wizards, and don't know the definition of the words Glee Club. I'd tag that as Alternate Universe- Harry Potter, or, Alternate Universe- Wizards.  
\----

Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

This is the default that the Archive gives you, and can be used is you are trying to preserve a twist of the Major Character Death variety (more on that later). However, if not, then it looks kind of stupid when a fic is tagged both Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings and Rape/Non-con.  
\----

Major Character Death (or, Preserving My Plot Twists vs. Scarring My Readers for Life)

I'm going to be honest with you here, I'm not a fan of the "preserving plot twists" thing because I do not do the Major Character Death thing well. It's not a good look on me. However, I do understand and on rare occasions appreciate it's necessity, so please don't think I'm telling you to stop. What I do say, though, is that you should put Character Death in the additional tags area. Just a suggestion.  
\----

Genderbend vs. Alternate Universe

This is another pet peeve of mine, as I enjoy genderbend fics quite a lot (if they are done well, which is sadly often not the case), but do not particularly care for genderswitched alternate universes. Let me explain.

There are fics in which, shall we say, Dean Winchester wakes up with boobs and a vagina, which I would tag Genderbend, and then there are fics in which, Deanne Winchester is and has always been the daughter of John and Mary Winchester, which I would tage Alternate Universe- Gender Changes.

I will revisit some of my frustrations with the average Genderbend fic in a later chapter.  
\----

Uniformity

As a fellow AO3 author, I know all too well the urge to tag things in a fun and/or lazy way, but, to help people find what they are looking for, it helps to be a tad more uniform. It's easy to just bang out mermaid au, but, it's better to do some research and see what is the common tag for mermaid AUs, and then use that in your story tags. Remember, as much as this helps others, it also helps you get more views!  
\----

Getting Your Story Out There vs. Succumbing To The Pressure

Sometimes tags can be a lot of pressure, especially if you're just getting a plot bunny off your chest, however, it's still better to put at least a couple than none. I, and I'm sure most others, will not choose to read a fic that only tells us that it's a two out of four chaptered, M-rated Merthur fic with warnings for Graphic Violence. I mean, we're practically going in blind. Tell is what your story is about, so we can determine if we want to check it out or not.

Also, there are some tropes that are not so easily found (and all the more delicious, if you ask me), and this is not always because there are few to none, but because they are simply not labeled. If you have a caveman AU fic, or a tribal AU fic or a tattoo kink fic, tag it! Then I, um, I mean, everyone, can find it.  
\----

Help, I Don't Know What I'm Typing

Don't just randomly use tags you think might apply. There is a whole wiki at your convenience for you to find out what tropes like Superfamily and Lady Loki really mean.

Here's a link, you lazy bastards:  
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HomePage  
\----

(And Don't Forget The Importance of Body) Language -I'm sorry, I couldn't resist that one.

I believe the default language option is English (can we fix that?), so please check and make sure that you are properly tagging your fic. There are probably so many frustrated Italian fanfiction readers who want to read your fic in Italian, but they can't find it because it's tagged as English.  
\----

Getting Kinky (or The Time I Almost Sold My Left Kidney for Brain Bleach [but not my right one, cuz that one's cuter])

Kinks are wonderful things to have and to hold, um, I mean write, and they are certainly nothing to be ashamed of. However, some of them can be a bit...intense, for lack of a better word, so be careful. Always tag your kinks. From BDSM to zoophilia (sorry, I can't think of an A kink, though I'm sure there is one), be sure to tag, because not everyone wants to see that. Some of us, however, only want to see that, so, yeah, tag it, and tag it good.  
\----

Don't Get Overzealous (Though I'm a Fine One to Talk...)

On the other side of the tagging coin, don't over-tag. This can mean tagging for something that you don't actually write (if this is an honest mistake, just go back and erase it from your tags list), or tagging for every little thing until the point of exhaustion. If this is a slash PWP, there's probably no need to tag for simple stuff like Anal and Oral sex.  
\----

Okay, that seems to be it for now. Should I have more to say on the subject of tags, I'll make another chapter labeled Tags 2. Simple. Also, should you have any frustrations with tags that you'd like to get off your chest, feel free to comment on it and I may feature it in Tags 2.

Remember, this is from a fandom person to fandom people. Anything you want to say, say it.


	2. Tag 2 (and Author's Notes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't intended to write Tags 2 so soon, but it seemed necessary.

Wash Your Mouth Out With Soap! vs. F-Yeah! Cluster F-bomb!

Some people take warnings for language seriously, so you should certainly give it some consideration when tagging. Again, this is a highly subjective thing, so these are mainly just my thoughts on it, and you really should just go ahead do as you feel is right. That said, here's what I think.

On an otherwise G-rated fic in which some characters started dropping shit and damning you for it, you should definitely rate it for language (probably Mild). However, for an E-rated fic that boasts Graphic Violence, Rape/Non-con, PWP, extremely kinky sex acts, or even (especially, considering this is 2013) Underage, it's probably unnecessary.

Just think about it. If a person reads the aforementioned tags and decided to read such a fic, do you really feel their delicate sensibilities will be abused just because someone dropped the F-bomb in the middle of being, eh, let's go British, some things sound better, rogered within in an inch of their lives?  
\----

The End? (There are no more chairs in my room, so Robert Downey Jr. was probably not responsible for that one...?)

If you tag your work a WIP (work in progress for the newbs) and finally finish it at some point, be sure to remove it from your tags.

Also, if this is an abandoned fic, please tag it appropriately. If you are like me and take scandalously long hiatus(es?) and make spastic updates, then there's probably no need to tag that, but you should definitely warn for it in either Author notes at the BEGINNING of the story, or in the Story Summary itself.  
\----

Major Story Device vs. Kink

Now this is something that annoys me to no end when I'm looking for a long fic to download.

If you are writing a huge ole sex-a-thon with every one of your kinks packed in, well, first off, good for you! Second off, please tag it as a kink. If you are writing a story, doesn't have to be long but usually is, in which something that can and is often a kink is a major plot device, then there is no need to add "kink" to it. What do I mean?

Steve wearing panties to welcome home Tony from a board meeting. Crossdressing Kink.

When Sam leaves for college, he starts crossdressing as a girl named Samantha. Crossdressing.  
\----

Songfics vs. Inspired By A Song

Now, to me, these are two entirely different beasts, but the latter is often called the former, unfortunately.

Despite the fact that I probably will write a songfic at some point in my career as a fanfiction writer, I do not usually enjoy them or make a point of seeking them about (especially when I'm looking for a longer fic). However, I do enjoy most fics that are inspired by a song. What's the difference, you ask?

In a songfic, which is usually shorter but not always, it is usually interspaced by lyrics from the song. It may also be a fandom or ship retelling of a song story, such as a Thorki version of (ugh) Taylor Swift's Love Story.

A fic inspired by song, however, has virtually no boundaries, as long as a song gave you the idea for the fic. In fact, I'd even add fics based on music videos (that aren't part of concept albums or a bigger picture like Danger Days or Save Rock and Roll, which normally have their own fandoms) can be put in this category. Examples: Come Into My Head by Kimbra, Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men, Ceiling of Plankton by The Givers, etc. (and, yes, it's ETC not ECT. What the flip is ect? Etc means etcetera[, etcetera,etcetera] )  
\----

Tell It Like It Is

If you have no beta (and know that your fic probably has mistakes) or have no Brit-picker (or American-picker?), then either tag it or, preferably, mention it in Author's notes BEFORE THE STORY. Don't wait until we get to the end to tell us things that we should know in the beginning.

I'll likely revisit the subject of Brit-picking and vice-versa later on.  
\----

Have Fun, Kiddies

Because, really, that's the main point of fanfiction. So, yes, these are all suggestions to help out you and your readers, but the main object is fun. I can personally say that I have read some fics because the author was so personable in their tags and/or story summary. If you are not, however, don't worry, as long as your story is good, and you tag appropriately, you'll get readers who enjoy your work!  
\----

Alright, done with tags for now, but that doesn't mean you can't mention your frustrations with tags. Tags 3 is still a possibility.

Thanks to those who contributed, and a special thanks to Philip J. Fry, for not only being a dude in fandom, but for giving me some tips on what tags to use (ironic, no?).


	3. Writing Smut and Romance [The Slash Edition]

Lube vs. Spit (or Nice And Smooth vs. Tearing Up My Partner's Rectum)

Actually, this is not a discussion. Always go with lube, both is fiction and in real life. Still not convinced? Here's a simple exercise. Stick one to three fingers in your mouth and get them as wet as you can, take them out and trail them lightly over your skin (arms, legs, nipples...ehem, wherever) and see how long it everything takes to dry. However long it was, it was way too short a time to properly lubricate anything. Spit for lube is one of my most hated plot devices (or whatever you'd call it), and takes me completely out of the story because it is both unrealistic and downright painful.  
\----

Location Location Location

If you must, close you bedroom door, get on your bed, and try to physically act out some of the positions you are placing your characters in. Are they possible? Are they comfortable? Are even remotely sexy?  
\----

Method Acting

For you authors with platonic life partners and/or boyfriends and girlfriends, if you have a scene that just seems awkward to you, try to act it out with your partner. Does it flow naturally? If this is a character that you are both fans of, ask them if it seems in character.  
\----

Kink It Up

It's awesome to get out of your comfort zone and write a kink that is not yours, especially as a gift for a friend, however, be careful. Look things up before you do it, as you don't want to misrepresent the kink or insult anyone who does actually have it.  
\----

Wordsmith

Be careful with the words you use, especially during a smut scene as, for most of us, there is a slight suspension of belief going on. Therefore, pick natural and/or sexy words that keep the flow going. What those words are is up to you, because that allows your own creativity to shine through the fic, but here are a couple words that are rather jarring and just generally inadvisable: 

For Him:

member  
disco-stick (You are not Lady Gaga, sweetie)  
penis (can be acceptable, but most times, it's just weird)  
meat  
man-meat (Unless you are writing a Hannibal crack fic, because that would funny)  
manhood (Unless it fits the pattern of speech at the time. Also, weird phrasing if your are writing a sex scene with two teens)

For Her:

cavern  
orifice (be more specific)  
lovehole (or anything with love in front of it for that matter)  
womanhood  
basically any flower  
\----

Third Time's The Charm

While there are such things as Perfect First Times (patent pending), they are few and far between. Now, it's different if you were writing a fic with fairly significant age difference, because the older partner can have enough experience to help things along, but for a fic with two unexperienced virgins getting it on, the top isn't going to become James T. Kirk all at once!

It's okay to make it a little fumbling. In fact, you can add that into the story, making it a cause for h/c (hurt/comfort), fluff, angst, or character development.  
\----

Here's An Orgasm For You, And One For You, And One For You Again!

Orgasms are awesome, and I understand why you want to give your characters a lot of them, especially you like your characters, but don't do overboard.

a) Even teenage boys can't be ready to go again in thirty minutes. If you have to actually write that there was an awkward lull in conversation for thirty minutes, then do so.  
b

b) Even in gay porn, which we all know is about as realistic as straight porn, the bottom doesn't always come first. It's okay to let the top come first, and then add in a blowjob or a handjob, maybe some frotting, or even pull out a good old fashioned dildo. It adds to the diversity of your sex scenes.

c) Your average male does not actually ejaculate a cup of semen at every orgasm, so don't get overzealous with the cum coverage. Unless, of course, you actually address this in the fic as being an oddity of the character's biology (alien, werewolf, alien werewolf, etc.)

d) I'm sure that coming untouched is a real thing that has happened at some point in time on some part of our planet, but let's not get overzealous with it. Once is okay, twice is pushing it, three times....well, yeah.  
\----

Well, I'm done for now. Like last time(s), you can contribute in the comments area, and I will probably add a similar chapter to put down some of the things you said.


	4. Statement of Purpose

So, due to a comment, I realized that maybe I should explain the purpose of this essay-like...thingy. So, let me first state that it is not:

1) The actual rules of the archive, which are pretty much "do what you want".

2) Critique of any one particular author.

3) A demand for everything to be done the way I have stated in the chapters both before and after this one.

4) Necessities for a decent work of fan fiction.

5) A way to get everyone to do what I want.

But, this is:

1) A work in which I talk about certain vagaries of fanfiction that annoy me.

2) A rudimentary and frankly amateur set of guidelines for writing more realistic smut.

3) A pretty good representation of the things I do not enjoy in fanfictions.

4) A way for everyone who reads this work and comments to vent their frustrations with fanfiction.

5) Something I'm doing in my spare time for shits and giggles.

This ain't the real world, son, and nothing here is meant to offend. Hang loose. If you do what you like well, you are sure to pick up some fans one way or another, no help from anyone else (including myself) needed.

Hope this clears some stuff up for ya'll.


End file.
